


Snakes and Songbirds

by Queer_and_trashy



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Birds, Geralt & Renfri Friendship, Geralt just gets bullied by women, Jaskier is in like two scenes of this, M/M, Minor Triss Merigold/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Modern AU, Past Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Snake Breeding, aka I write what I want because I can, bird lover!Jaskier, snake breeder!Geralt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:48:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27833296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queer_and_trashy/pseuds/Queer_and_trashy
Summary: Geralt loves his snakes like his own children but he cannot stand reptile expos with the noise and the people. So why does everyone keep insisting on talking to him and having emotional conversations and insisting on being his friend or maybe more?This is the result of my hyperfixation on snakes, twelve hours of research on birds, and my decision to write everyone as a fucking weirdo because I can. Enjoy!
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 17
Kudos: 106





	Snakes and Songbirds

**Author's Note:**

> Hello friends!! It has been too long since school has kicked my ass, but I finally have completed this fun oneshot. To be honest this project super niche and unfocused and just me writing whatever I wanted. It's barely Geraskier, has four emotions interspersed with way too many snake facts, and truthfully I just made it so I could have fun writing Renfri as a mildly feral snake breeder. Hope some people enjoy it anyway!!

Geralt sat in the front seat of the truck picking at the steering wheel where the faux leather was flaking. Ahead of him stood a building with a bland exterior clearly crafted with the sole intention to be large without any other redeeming qualities. As he stared, several people walked back and forth through the doors carrying containers and displays.

Reptile expos took the one thing Geralt loved and combined it with absolutely everything he hated. They were loud and overcrowded with obnoxious kids running around and more annoying adults getting in everyone’s way. Vending was a terrible time even without the risks of snakes going to bad homes given their limited ability to vet buyers. 

He had repeatedly expressed his concerns to Eskel, wanting to pull out of the events, but his brother and business partner had insisted this was the best way to build “brand visibility in the community”. Geralt was plenty happy with his current visibility but there was a point to be made given they had triple the traffic on their website the week after a show than usual. Maybe he should just pretend to be mute and hand everyone who asked him questions business cards.

It was seven in the morning and here Geralt was in the Rivia Retics company van loaded up with 43 snakes at a convention center an hour away from home. Eskel, the bastard, had decided to wake up with a bad cold today which he determined was too risky to be around so many people with. Geralt wasn’t convinced it wasn’t just a ploy to force him to vend by himself and break his habit of hiding behind the scenes without talking to any buyers.

Snakes were Geralt’s life. He had been raising them since he was a kid, thrown into the family business and immediately taking to it like a duck to water. Even the biggest and feistiest snakes could be tamed down with patience and time in his capable hands. Given they dealt in reticulated pythons, they needed his skills to handle the full-grown adults that reached up to twenty feet. Plenty of people questioned his sanity when he told them what he did for a living but Geralt loved every snake he had met, with their power and strength but also the trust they could gain for the humans that tended to them.

There wasn’t a single question about bloodlines or genetics or localities that Geralt couldn’t answer about his snakes. For all intents and purposes, he was probably more qualified to sell their baby snakes than Eskel who was less involved in the breeding decisions. That didn’t mean he was going to enjoy it.

Sighing, Geralt hopped out of the truck to begin the arduous task of setting up without a second set of hands. Eskel was a complete dickhead. Starting with some of the display cases, he made his way inside.

Stepping into the gigantic room, he was met with the bustle and noise of dozens of other vendors. Arms laden with stacked clear plastic, Geralt made his way awkwardly to the organizing table. After gruffly telling them his company name they directed him to the far right corner to set up. It was an absolute hike to get to especially carrying everything but at least the table would be big enough for their whole display. 

Already sweating, Geralt put down the displays and immediately turned to get more of his stuff. Before he could get far, however, he was called by an all too familiar voice.

“Geralt. How convenient,” Yennefer said. Geralt turned back to see his ex-girlfriend standing behind her own table right next to his which was already most of the way set up. It was a lot easier to transport a large number of tarantulas than snakes in his defense.

“Yennefer,” he replied, having no idea what to say. It had been several months since they last saw each other, also awkwardly at a reptile expo. That time he had just been walking past, giving him an easy excuse to flee after only a minute of stunted conversation.

“Lovely to see you,” she said with a smile. If she were a snake, she’d be tongue flicking at him, seeing if he was a meal. “Where’s Eskel? Bringing more stuff behind you?”

“He’s at home sick.” 

“Oh no is he alright?”

“Just a cold.” Geralt’s feet itched to move towards the exit. 

“Good, maybe he’ll be better by tomorrow. That’s a lot of set up to do by yourself. I should help you.” She said it as a command, not a question, just as she always talked.

“You don’t have to.” Geralt would rather set up alone three times over than have this conversation Yennefer was orchestrating. 

“Don’t be silly. Triss you’re all set here if I go off with Geralt, right?” A second woman popped up from behind their table with a tarantula resting in her palm. In all the years Geralt had known her, Yennefer had never once gotten a helper. She had balked at any advice from Geralt about the business, determined to do her tarantula breeding completely independently.

“We’re close to done anyway. Go for it,” this mystery woman replied. She stroked two fingers down the back of the spider in her hand, smiling up at Geralt. Her energy was the antithesis to Yennefer’s, sunny and welcoming all the way through. 

Geralt began walking back to his truck with Yennefer following behind, her pace comfortable. Glancing at her, Yennefer’s face contained none of the tension Geralt felt locked in his shoulders. Everything always looked easy when she did it; starting her own business, being friendly with her ex, leaving him. It had been a year since their break up, he had moved past it. It was fine.

“So how have you been?” Yennefer asked. Geralt wanted to scream.

“Fine.” Just a little further to the doors.

“As verbose as ever I see. How’s business this year? If there’s anything that can get you talking it’s that.”

She knew him well. The possibility of a knowledgeable and familiar ear made him itch to spill about introducing a new morph into the dwarf line or the fact that they got three female super dwarf snows from one clutch which was so rare he had cried a little.

“Breeding season went well. Got lots of healthy babies. Already sold about a third of them.” 

“Do you have any anery super dwarfs for sale today? I still have that set up and I have far too much experience to not get a snake of my own soon.” He had built that set up for her house so he could bring Roach with him when he spent the night. 

“You want a Mexican black kingsnake, not an anerythristic reticulated python. They’re a better example of the black coloration you’re looking for and are an easier first snake than jumping straight into a retic. When it’s your own snake, you can’t just leave when they’re difficult like you could in the past.”

Yen’s face fell at the double meaning Geralt hadn’t hidden very well. They had finally reached the van. If only Geralt had kept his mouth shut. He didn’t want her guilt. It wasn’t worth anything to have her hurt along with him.

“Look Geralt-”

“I’ll grab the last of the display, you can start with that stack of snakes,” Geralt interrupted as he opened the back doors and directed her to their task. He couldn’t bear to hear an apology, to know he appeared so pitiful as to warrant one from a woman who had sworn from the age of eighteen to never give them out again. The fact that she even considered one eased the tiny piece of him that had doubted she had ever cared for him at all.

Silence settled between the two of them as they continued their trips back and forth. The one thing that had stood out about Geralt’s dynamic with Yennefer was that she made him loud. While grunting was his basic communication with everyone from strangers to his own brothers, she had managed to worm her way into his head and force him to spill his thoughts out his mouth. Even if those thoughts had often turned to yelling, it had still made her special.

Once they had successfully gotten everything inside, Geralt began transferring the baby snakes from their travel containers into their display case pre-marked with their morph, sex, and price. Geralt always wrote them onto the plastic the night before events, able to do it off the top of his head while Eskel would have to look through every snake individually. He expected Yennefer to return to her own booth without another word but instead, she stuck around and hung up their banner proclaiming Rivia Retics in bold font behind him.

Finished with all of the babies, Geralt turned to the three large bins to pull out his two adult display animals. A whole second table had been set up with his displays for his breeder animals, each a reference of the size and coloration the hatchlings he was selling would grow into. Making sure to show that despite their names super dwarf and dwarf reticulated pythons still often grew to at least six and eight feet respectively was a good deterrent for inexperienced impulse buyers. 

Once his mother snakes were settled he turned back to see Yennefer had already opened the third bin and lifted Roach to rest over her shoulders. Looking at her with the eight-foot boa constrictor wrapped around her he remembered why he was once in love with this woman. Despite the manual labor they had done that left even Geralt’s trained muscles slightly aching, she remained immaculate in appearance. There was no frizz in her hair from heat or smudge to her makeup from sweat or even a wrinkle in her black blouse. 

“I’ve missed this girl,” Yennefer said, stroking over the top of Roach’s head. The boa responded in kind, moving forward to bump her nose into Yen’s face as if greeting her.

“Thanks for your help,” Geralt said. After Yennefer had left, Geralt’s life had gone back to exactly as it had been before she entered. Days were filled with caring for his snakes and dealing with his brothers and repeating the cycle. It was simple and he was content. He had never been bored before she taught him how to be.

“Geralt,” Yennefer started, stroking a hand down the smooth scales of Roach’s back. “I met someone.” 

Geralt wanted his snake back.

“Triss- the one at my table- she’s a match for me. It’s okay that you weren’t, that wasn’t your fault.” 

It was close enough to an apology that it made Geralt’s skin crawl. With a nod of finality, she lifted the snake off her shoulders and stepped close to place it around Geralt’s. 

“Goodbye Roach,” she said, giving the snake a kiss on the head. Rising up on her toes she left a matching kiss on Geralt’s cheek. “Goodbye Geralt. I’ll see you around.”

She turned and walked back to her own table. At least they were on a corner leaving a merciful five feet between their displays. Geralt fucking hated reptile expos.

*********

“How much did that hair dye cost you?” said an unfamiliar voice behind Geralt. The muscles in his jaw clenched but he took a deep breath to keep an illusion of calm irritation rather than the deep frustration boiling inside him. They hadn’t even opened the doors yet.

“It’s natural,” Geralt lied. He wasn’t in the mood for a chat about toner with some stranger. 

“Liar,” snorted the voice. Geralt turned to glare at this rude stranger. In front of him was a woman with brown hair cut in an uneven bob, wearing a muscle tee with a green tree python mid-strike printed on it. She met his mean look with an even sharper grin.

“You might have the air of a grumpy old man but you can’t be more than what? Thirty-five? Forty?” she continued.

With a huff, Geralt turned back to his trying to look busy. He didn’t look  _ that  _ bad for thirty-one. At least Eskel wasn’t here to overhear the mistake. Lambert already gave him enough shit about his white hair “matching his grandpa personality”.

“Where’d your hot lady friend wander off to?” asked the stranger, ignoring Geralt’s blatant attempts to end the one-sided conversation.

“She’s taken.” The sharp words slipped from Geralt’s mouth before he could stop them, wrapped in a bitter casing. 

“Don’t tell me you’re another entitled dickhead jerking himself off for defending his woman from my lesbian wiles. I was just beginning to like you, old man.” This stranger was… blunt. The tension in Geralt’s jaw loosened and his lips twitched.

With a deep breath, he tried to relax his default grimace and turned around to face the woman. Between his physicality and profession, Geralt was accustomed to being placed into a category of men he thoroughly despised. He didn’t blame those that were wary of him at first glance, he didn’t exactly come off as warm and fuzzy. To reinforce an image of him as a sexist brute, however, sat like the taste of death on his tongue.

“She’s taken by her girlfriend.”  _ Apparently _ , Geralt added in his head. “They sell tarantulas.” He pointed to their stand without looking, not wanting to risk catching Yennefer’s eye.

The stranger’s smile returned just as sharp. “Now that I can work with. I’m Renfri.” She thrust out a hand with conviction as if her impression of Geralt had been solidified. He was still working on hers.

“Geralt,” he replied, accepting the handshake. Her grip was firm enough to make his thick fingers feel dwarfed in her smaller hands. As this conversation didn’t seem to be going away he figured he would steer towards the one subject he was comfortable in. “I’m guessing you specialize in green tree pythons.” He gestured to her shirt.

“That I do. This is my fifth year breeding so I’m starting to get some traction, making some money instead of spending it all. You guys have been around forever, of course. I’ve visited the table most years but I don’t remember seeing those locks before. Which is new, you or the hair?”

“Neither,” Geralt admitted. “It’s a family business. Our father started the breeding lines back when superdwarfs were first entering the trade and my brother and I took over completely about five years back. He does most of the customer interactions normally, I’m more on the snake care side. The bastard got sick today though.”

Renfri laughed. “So you’re the shy one then?”

“I prefer introverted,” Geralt said, grimace twitching again with a smirk. It wouldn’t surprise anyone who knew his social circle, but he had a soft spot for blunt company.

“Sure,” she said, slapping a hand down on his shoulder in mock sympathy. Walking past him she began examining his setup without an invitation. He allowed her to peruse as she liked, happy to have a possible customer who clearly already knew what they were doing. Reticulated pythons didn’t seem to hold her interest, however, as she soon bent down to peek at the large travel tub in which Roach could be seen through the plastic lid.

“Who’s this?” she said, bumping the tub lightly with her foot. “Decided you were making too much money with $3000 super dwarfs and are gonna branch out into boas?”

“That’s Roach. She’s my personal snake, just wanted her with me.” Lambert might have gotten it for him as a joke but the sticker placed on her cage labeling Roach as an “emotional support snake” wasn’t that much of an exaggeration. He had raised her since she was a hatchling and he was only eleven. It was the first time was trusted with a snake entirely on his own without Vesemir looking over his shoulder. Roach was so well weaved into his life he felt her absence like a missing limb.

“Love the name.” Geralt perked up at that. Yennefer had given him such a judgemental look when he told her his snake was named Roach he almost never saw her again. “My favorite snake’s name is Shrike. That’s where the name comes from.” 

Renfri gestured to her shirt that had the words Shrike Reptiles across the top. Again Geralt’s eyes caught on the python with its jaws open. Normally he cringed at those types of depictions that focused on the “threat” a snake posed as if that was meant to be the appeal. Anyone who owned reptiles for the power of it made his stomach turn.

“Why is it striking?” Geralt blurted out.

Renfri pulled the shirt away from her body and looked down at it as if she had forgotten what it looked like. “That’s what I like best about green trees.”

“That they strike a lot?” 

“That they let you know what they want. If they don’t want to be a handleable snake they’re not going to be one. I like knowing that if I sell to someone that’s not going to treat a snake with care they’re gonna get fucking bit.” 

“How often do you get bit?” Geralt asked.

“How often does a mainland retic try to eat you?” she threw back.  _ One tried to wrap Eskel’s arm last week, _ Geralt thought.

They had reached a sort of stalemate in a competition Geralt understood zero parts of. He thinks he might just like her. The look she gave him matched that of a child discovering their new favorite toy.

The energy between them was interrupted by a strange noise pulling Geralt’s attention. A loud squawking echoed from somewhere on the other end of the room, cutting through the din of low chatter. 

“Is that a fucking bird?” Geralt asked.

“It is an exotic animal expo,” Renfri replied.

Geralt gave a weak sigh. If there was one thing he liked less than reptile expos…

*******

“Um excuse me how much does this one cost,” asked a voice to the right of Geralt. Taking a deep breath he readied himself for yet another tedious sale. It was three hours since the doors had opened and his numbers didn’t seem to be all that affected by his abysmal table manner. Real keepers weren’t looking for friendly in a breeder, they were looking for knowledgable and that he could certainly provide. 

Turning towards the voice he saw an eccentric looking young man in a bright pink button-down with white birds all over it. He was pointing to a snake in the display despite Geralt purposefully having labeled each one with a percentage of dwarf/superdwarf, morph, sex, and price specifically to avoid these questions.

“Twelve-fifty. It says on the glass.”

The stranger’s eyes went wide. “Over a  _ thousand _ dollars?”

Geralt ground his molars together in irritation, unable to stop the glare that fell on his face. “It is a 100% jampea locality dwarf retic. It is a direct descendent from the original snakes taken from the island and maintained with pure bloodlines. Do you know how rare that is?”

“Uh-huh, uh-huh,” the stranger nodded his head as if digesting this. “And what exactly do any of those words mean?”

Geralt let out an obvious sigh. Clearly, this man was a newbie in no way fit to handle an advanced snake breed like a reticulated python. Geralt had half a mind to send him and his ridiculous shirt on his way. But that only increased the risk of some other careless vendor selling a snake to him without learning anything about how to keep it.

“It’s a dwarf reticulated python meaning it will be smaller than normal retics. The smaller size is from genetic lines that originated on specific islands, this one is from the island of jampea.” Geralt spoke slowly as if explaining something to a child.

“But it’s captive-bred, right? Isn’t wild-caught bad?” 

That was a least an  _ interesting _ question if quite reductive. “All of our snakes are captive bred. The original dwarfs and superdwarfs were wild-caught decades ago.” Geralt’s brain swirled with all of the technicalities and clarification he was leaving out but he didn’t want to risk generating even more questions from the stranger.

“Wow, you really seem to know so much about this. It’s  _ very _ impressive.” The stranger leaned his hip against the table with his hands in his pockets. If he knocked over a display Geralt might murder him. “My name’s Jaskier by the way.”

_ I’d rather still be able to refer to him as a stranger _ , Geralt thought.

“And yours is?” Jaskier asked expectantly.

“Geralt.”

“Geralt. It suits you. Very masculine and firm to match your gruff demeanor.” The words from Jaskier were accompanied by a flourish of one hand slipping out of his jeans to wander through the air. “I mean that in the highest of compliments; directness is one of the finest traits a man can have.” 

Geralt agreed though the sentiment seemed ironic coming from a man in midst of an attempted deception over his knowledge about snakes. One did always tend to admire what they lacked, giving Geralt his taste for people who could be bold. 

Unperturbed by the lack of response, Jaskier forged on with his interrogation. “Could you answer any question I had about snakes? Or at least your specialty?”

Geralt’s reply was simply a glare, uninterested in becoming Jaskier’s personal wikipedia. This time of day the crowds had settled down and it wasn’t like he was holding up a line but it was still a waste of Geralt’s precious silence.

“Ooh that one looks rainbow! What is it?” Jaskier reached his hand over the table to point at a snake with iridescent scales. Geralt noticed on his wrist was a matching rainbow. The bracelet was made of string like the ones kids made for each other at summer camp.

“It’s a motley golden child morph with 63.5% superdwarf.” All of this was again written on the clear plastic lid. 

“And that percentage means how big it’ll get?” Jaskier asked. It seemed he was genuinely trying to learn which was something. “Wait, will they get as big as that one?” 

Jaskier pointed to Roach who was draped around Geralt’s shoulders. He had mostly forgotten about her since she had settled and relaxed her head on his chest twenty minutes earlier. This was the one place he could wear Roach as a heavy scarf for comfort without getting any weird looks. 

“A retic isn’t a first time snake. Go find a cornsnake breeder to bother,” Geralt answered. He was done answering questions for a man who didn’t even know the first thing about pythons.

“No wait,” Jaskier said with a panicked fluster. “Just tell me how big they get? Please?” A pouted graced his face making him look even more baby-faced.

“Superdwarfs and dwarfs range from six to twelve feet. Depends on how good the bloodline is; a shitty bloodline and you’ll have a 50% superdwarf that’s just as big as a mainland.” And there Geralt went answering more questions. “Mainlands are around twenty feet.”

Jaskier’s eyes went cartoonishly wide at that. “Twenty feet?! Why the fuck would you own that?”

The horror that from most people grated on Geralt, just made him want to laugh. “They’ve only eaten a couple of people,” he said in a completely dry tone.

“You’re lying. You’re not lying? What in god's name made you want to work with them? Is that why you’re so muscular to make sure you’re too big to be eaten?” Jaskier babbled. His body was rigid with fear but a smile still graced his face as if he was enjoying his own shock.

“Hm,” Geralt replied. Just when he began to enjoy the conversation he had run out of words.

“So Geralt how does a man like yourself get into retica- reticu- pyth- snakes? With your stature, I would have guessed something like an action star, or stunt man, or what’s a good muscly sport?” Jaskier stumbled over his words without hesitation, confidence never dimming in the face of his own ignorance.

“It’s a family-” Geralt was interrupted by the sound of a loud squawk echoing through the large room. Immediately Jaskier whipped his head towards with a face of concern.

“Sorry, that’s my cue. The joys of parenting right?” Jaskier looked at Geralt as if he would have some sympathy for the sentiment. “It has been an absolute pleasure Geralt.” He gave a small bow as if following some form of courtly etiquette, before darting off without giving Geralt the chance to say another word.

The man had been a whirlwind of questions in their brief interactions and had only succeeded in making a mystery around himself. Why on earth had he even talked to Geralt to begin with if he clearly wasn’t interested in buying a snake? And how had he managed to make Geralt feel disappointed when he left despite the fact that the whole time Jaskier was in front of him he had just wanted him gone?

“Who was that?” Renfri startled Geralt from his confused contemplation as she moved away from her own table to stand next to him. She had a smirk on her face that made Geralt’s shoulders tense in apprehension.

“Nobody. Some dumb kid wasting my time.” 

“He didn’t want to buy anything then? Just wanted to talk to you?” If Renfri was trying to suggest something Geralt still wasn’t sure of any answers.

He shrugged in response, wanting to move on from the strange man. Maybe then his pulse would settle back to its usual pace.

******

Day two of the expo thankfully started with Eskel deciding he was magically cured and could perform his role of limiting Geralt’s forced social interaction. Set up was a breeze comparatively, with two sets of hands that had no unresolved romantic tensions between them to make the weight of bins that much heavier. 

Geralt was feeling good, standing behind their prepared table thirty minutes before the show opened. Which of course was the moment Yennefer decided to wander over.

“Eskel,” she said with her standard smile that always held a calculating glance. “Glad you’re feeling better. Geralt all alone yesterday had me worried.”

“I’m perfectly capable of functioning on my own Yen,” Geralt prickled. What right did she have to worry about him?

“I am not questioning your efficacy Geralt, merely your… comfort.” 

They all were well aware that Geralt was uncomfortable at expos regardless of Eskel’s presence. He hated these conversations with Yennefer where she always seemed to be talking about something more than the topic at hand. 

“No need to glower,” Yennefer said. “Perhaps you and Eskel should coordinate a time to give you a break today. You practically stood still for eight hours yesterday; I imagine your legs are still aching. Maybe you could take a stroll amongst the stalls, stretch your muscles.”

“Don’t talk to me like I’m some dog in need of a reward,” Geralt snapped. His haunches were up, feeling infantilized by her deceptive sympathy.

“Always a pleasure Yennefer,” Eskel butted in, clearly trying to send her on her way. The defense in his brother’s voice while appreciated didn’t help with Geralt feeling childish. 

Rather than reply immediately, Yennefer fixed Eskel with her gaze, seeming to convey a whole host of conversations with just her eyes. Geralt hated it when she did that. “I’ll talk to you later Eskel.” 

She turned to him again, lilac tinged irises burying themselves underneath his skin. “Good luck Geralt. You deserve it.” Her words were almost threatening but her tone seemed… genuine? Her face held the same look she had given him the night she had told him that as much as she wanted to, she would never be what he needed.

As she walked away from him he didn’t feel the loss he had the first time, but the confusion was just the same.

********

By midday--as much as Geralt hated for Yennefer to be right--he needed a break. Two days in a row of loud customers had given him a sharp pain behind his right eye and rigid tension in all his muscles. He had already gone to the bathroom twice, running cool water over his wrists in an attempt to soothe his anxious body to no avail. 

A lull in customers gave him the chance to grab Eskel’s attention. “I’m gonna get some air,” he said, already starting in the direction of the exit. This wouldn’t come as a shock to his brother and thankfully Geralt heard no complaints follow him.

What did follow him was much worse.

“Hey wait up,” said a newly familiar voice. Renfri seemed to have noticed his passing by her stall, chasing after him with a casual jog. As she fell into step beside him Geralt darted a quick glance to catch a smug smirk that he would bet was her natural smile. Shrike Reptiles had arrived quite late this morning leaving no time for the two to chat before the bustle of the convention. Geralt had  _ maybe _ begun to appreciate Renfri’s personality in his brief encounter with her, but at the moment he would rather eat his own shoe than stumble through small talk with a stranger.

The pair walked in silence out through the front doors into the gray light of the cloudy sky. Wanting to avoid the passing of crowds, Geralt led them around to the other side of the property. Leaning against the brick of the building’s face, he took a few deep breaths. While a reprieve from the noise inside, a fraction of the tension in his chest still lingered. He was unsettled by Renfri’s presence, wanting to know how this would proceed yet prompting a discussion himself was unthinkable.

“Your face looks like you’re gonna shit yourself,” Renfri said. “Relax I’m not here to ruin your solitude. Just wanted a smoke.” True to her word, she pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from the pocket of the hoodie she wore. Plucking one out of the carton she placed the cigarette between her teeth before gesturing the box to him.

“Want one?” she asked, muffled around her occupied mouth. He shook his head quickly before turning to face straight ahead.

In front of them was a small patch of grass separating the building from the road where cars whizzed past. Breathing slowly, he smelt the lingering rain on the pavement from the brief storm overnight. With each steady inhale he felt his heart rate return to a gentle rhythm rather than the rapid pounding he felt beneath his skull. 

Just as he was beginning to feel sufficiently soothed, his nose wrinkled in automatic distaste. The scent of cigarette smoke, gritty and overbearing, clogged his nostrils. It reminded Geralt of the smell of cigars that would linger in his father’s shirts when he would climb on top of the man as a small child, only uglier without the dilution of fond memories. 

“Ask me why I smoke,” Renfri said.

“What?” Geralt asked, startled.

“Ask me why I smoke.” Looking towards her, Geralt saw Renfri take a long drag before breathing out a gray cloud towards the road. “I can tell you want to.”

Geralt had always hated the habit, between the smell and obvious danger. He did want to ask.

“Why do you smoke?”

“It’s my insurance plan.” Renfri spoke like this was a speech she had recited a thousand times. “To make sure that I never get old and feeble and have to depend on anyone else.”

“You have to depend on other people when you get lung cancer,” Geralt replied.

Renfri laughed loudly cutting over the noise of traffic. “Tell that to eighteen-year-old me, she was a dumbass. So committed to her depressive angst she made me nicotine’s bitch.”

“Have you tried to quit?”

Renfri shrugged and put her cigarette between her lips again. “Can't be bothered” she said before letting the smoke blow out of her lungs.

Conversation completed, they stayed there in silence for several more minutes. Geralt watched the cars and Renfri smoked until she was holding only a small dying ember. Deep in his gut Geralt wanted to ask if he could be her friend, but he had no idea how without feeling like he was on a playground.

*****

Once back inside Renfri casually strolled in the opposite direction of their tables. The path would take twice as long to loop around through the crowds but Geralt stuck with her, magnetized to the safety of her assurance in a sea of strangers. So caught up in the baffling discovery of sudden friendship, you could forgive him for not noticing the signs.

“You have reached your final destination,” Renfri said, imitating a GPS voice. 

“What?” Geralt asked. 

Geralt’s confusion was violently interrupted by a terrible squawking sound behind him. Whipping around he was affronted by the image of a white cockatoo, feathers puffed up and head bobbing. The bird’s talons were wrapped around the shoulder of an equally peacocking man, this time dressed in a tight black tee with a rainbow macaw across the front. 

“Geralt?” Jaskier perked up so quickly Geralt almost expected his hair to fluff out like his cockatoo’s head feathers. So his least favorite non-customer remembered him. Geralt subtly wiped his palm on his jeans, as it was starting to sweat.

“Jaskier.”

“Are you interested in birds then?” Jaskier asked. The man was bouncing on the platforms of his feet like an excited little kid.

“No,” Geralt replied. He looked down and saw the booth Jaskier was standing behind was covered in colorful cardboard and wood shapes held together by string. Bird toys.

“Oh.” The motion dropped out of Jaskier’s body. “Then… why are you here?”

_ Why did you ask me twenty questions about snakes you clearly didn’t give a shit about,  _ Geralt thought.

“Hey!” Jaskier yelped. “I was just… curious okay?” Geralt blinked, positive he hadn’t said anything aloud.

“This is  _ fascinating _ ,” interrupted Renfri. She was looking them up and down with a critical eye making Geralt feel like a science experiment.

“Oh hello!” Jaskier startled, having not noticed her presence. “If I knew snake people were all equally beautiful and terrifying I would’ve come to one of these things sooner wow.”

“I could  _ eat _ you. Also a lesbian,” Renfri said.

“Understood,” Jaskier said, a wide smile breaking out on his face. “Ooh, do you have any birds? I still have one lesbian flag left! Sold another one to this old lady a few minutes ago, she was adorable- though thinking about it she could’ve just liked the colors. Either way, I made a sale! Not as many bird people here as I had hoped, mostly reptiles like yourself. That’s okay though, I get decent traction on Etsy, but I would love to make more bird friends. Do you guys have any birds? Did I already ask that?”

The sporadic man’s words spiraled around them, but with a bright tone that eased the pressure of crafting a reply. He clearly liked the sound of his own voice, but as a gentle melody easing into background music rather than a pretentious demand for attention. 

“Sorry doll face, all my pets could eat your feathered friends,” Renfri said.

“Bitch.” Geralt blinked towards the bird that had just cussed out his new… acquaintance. The cockatoo began bouncing up and down on Jaskier’s shoulder like he was supremely proud of what he had done.

“Felix!,” Jaskier yelped. “Bad bird.” He wagged a finger in front of the bird’s face. The white bird replied with a squabbling noise as if arguing under his breath. “I’m sorry about him, he’s a bit of a brat sometimes. Doesn’t like me talking to other people without paying attention to him for too long.”

“You taught your bird swear words,” Geralt observed.

“Not on purpose!” Jaskier spluttered. “They just seem to be the only ones he picks up. Such a naughty boy right baby? You’re my naughty boy.” Jaskier turned his face to the side and Felix mirrored the motion, bumping his head repeatedly against Jaskier’s cheek.

“You’re a strange person.” The words slipped past Geralt’s lips like a secret.

Renfri snorted loudly beside him. She placed a hand on his shoulder. It was the first time she had touched him and he didn’t flinch. Leaning in she whispered in his ear “don’t fuck it up”, before darting away into the sea of people.

“And you seem perfectly normal,” Jaskier replied. 

“Do you have other birds?” Geralt asked. He wasn’t lying when he said he wasn’t interested in birds.

“Yes, I have two other babies! Lavender my budgie and Zuzanna my African Grey, both are absolute sweethearts and much better behaved than this beast.” Jaskier poked Felix’s beak, receiving a gentle nip in return.

“Then why did you bring him and not them?” Geralt would only bring his best-behaved animals to an event like this.

“Oh, they would never like so many people around them. Felix might be a brat but he’s also an attention whore. Besides I can’t leave him alone for a whole day. He thinks we’re married, if he thought I abandoned him he’d start breaking things.”

“Are there any upsides to owning birds?”  _ Loud, needy, and destructive; they sound worse than people, _ Geralt thought.

“Hey!” Jaskier played up mock-offense, cupping his hands around his bird’s head to protect him from Geralt’s words. “Are there upsides to owning cold scaly things with fangs?”

_ Yes, millions. _ “Fair point.”

“You should give me your phone number. That way I can send you more evidence to convince you. And you can make your case for snakes.” The set of Jaskier’s eyes reminded him of Yennefer when she wanted something. 

Geralt accepted the phone thrust into his hands and wordlessly typed his phone number into the cracked screen. The phone case was printed with a matching macaw as his shirt. He probably sold both of them on his Etsy shop.

“I’ll make you a bird person yet Geralt, just you wait.” There were worse things people had tried to change Geralt into.

“I should go.”

“Oh yes, little snakelings to care for. Lovely to see you again. I’ll send you my favorite videos later, there’s this one of Zuzu and an Amazon Echo that… you should go sorry, sorry bye!”

_ That’s not the word for baby snake.  _ “Bye.” As Geralt turned towards his table to retreat, Jaskier waved prompting Felix to screech. Geralt doubted he would ever like birds. But he could at least give them a chance.

  
  


****************

“So how’d it go?” Her voice made the muscles in Geralt's shoulders tense when it used to make his heart skip. He turned to see Yennefer leaning one hand against their table, now clear of the majority of the display as they packed up.

“What do you mean?” Geralt asked, quickly returning back to the task of placing the remaining snakes into bins for something to do with his hands.

“Your flirtation with that flappy twink,” Yennefer said.

“How do you know about him?” Geralt snapped his eyes shut in regret, just seconds too late in realizing his mistake.

“Oh, so you  _ are _ flirting with him.”

The last snake sat safely in its travel container but Geralt stayed crouched next to the stack of them peering through the cloudy plastic.

“Don’t take too long with him. I loved you, but I got quite sick of having to drag you along through every step of a relationship. You don’t have to be on the defensive with people all the time.” Yennefer stepped forward and placed a hand on his shoulder, gentle enough he could shift away from it if he wanted. He leaned back onto his heels, pressing into the contact.

_ You don’t have to be on the offensive all the time _ , Geralt thought. “This isn’t your business.”

“I know,” she replied. “Text him back.” Geralt’s phone was in his back pocket where it had remained each of the six times it had vibrated those past couple of hours. Yennefer leaned down to place a quick kiss against his temple, probably leaving a faint stain of purple in her wake. Without another word she walked away, leaving him still gazing at the shadowy outline of a hatchling’s head bumping against the wall of its tub.

“What a woman,” Renfri said from the other side of Geralt. What on earth was he doing lately that made people think he wanted them to talk to him? “I’d say she’s the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen but then I met her girlfriend.”

Geralt was starting to gather where Yen had gotten her information from. He tried his best to ignore the twinge in his chest at the idea that Renfri had only talked to him for espionage points. Picking up the stack of bins, Geralt stood to start his trip to the van where Eskel was playing Tetris to fit everything back the same way it came. Not to mention the addition of a new pair of breeders and one of Renfri’s green trees he just couldn’t resist. She had built a remarkable level of trust between her animals and people, even though they had only been hatched for such a short time.

Just as he was about to walk away he was stopped by the feeling of his phone being plucked from his back pocket. 

“Ooh, two texts and four videos from a mysterious unknown number. I wonder who that could be?” Renfri said. 

Geralt sighed and put the cargo in his hands onto the table. “Renfri, give it back.” He held out his palm for the phone.

“Why? You’re clearly not using it. These haven’t been read in two whole hours.” 

A pain pricked behind Geralt’s left eye prompting him to rub above his eyebrow to relieve tension. Why did everyone  _ insist _ on interfering with his life? “I’ve been fucking busy,” he snarled.

Renfri bared her teeth and made a hissing sound in response. She was really leaning into snake comparisons it seemed. 

“Keep telling yourself that princess. Now open this for me, I need to put my number in.” She turned the phone back to Geralt. Wordlessly he typed in his password. Standing stock-still like a startled animal, Geralt watched Renfri punch in her contact info before shoving his phone back into his fumbling fingers.

“I met you first so you’re required to text me before you text him. You don’t suck as much as most men Geralt.”

“Hm,” Geralt replied as his brain swirled with contradictory compliments towards her he could never manage to articulate.

Renfri tucked her lips between her teeth in a smile. “I’ll take that as a thank you. Text me, we need to get drunk together and unlock each other's tragic backstories, it’ll be fun.”

Geralt thought of his backstory, filled with fondness and enough tragedies to be considered tragic and probably too uneventful to ever be considered a story. Would she be disappointed when his quiet mystery turned out to just be quiet? Would Jaskier have any interest in learning that behind the pretty face was a rigid man with a strict routine and a shortage of laughter?

Renfri jolted him from his thoughts with a hand on his shoulder, fingers digging like filed down claws. “Good luck with the boy,” she said before walking away towards the door, never looking back.

*****

Geralt sits in the passenger's seat of the van silent except for Eskel’s folk music turned low to match the mood of the sunset falling around them. The back of Geralt’s phone case is smooth where he rubs his finger back and forth against it. The timer is nearing two hours and thirty minutes of the texts sitting, unopened.

“Pretty good weekend right?” Eskel asked.

Geralt hummed, still piecing together his opinions.

“I sold the superdwarf lavender and normal dwarf female while you were gone by the way. I don’t know if you noticed when you got back.”

Geralt hadn’t noticed, hadn’t even put it together when he put away all of the leftover babies into their travel containers. He turned on his phone to see the lockscreen of Roach peeking her head out of her cage staring back at him. It had been long enough.

**To Renfri: I texted you first**

Tapping over to the unopened messages, his screen was filled with a video displaying a gray bird with the caption “ _ I hope you enjoy my babies!! _ ”. Geralt pressed play.

“ _ Alexa play burn up _ .” The birds croaking voice drifted out of Geralt’s speakers. Suddenly the tranquility of the van was broken by the guitars and vocals of Burnin’ Up by the Jonas Brothers. The parrot, clearly pleased with her accomplishment, began bobbing up and down as if dancing. The camera was apparently propped up against something because seconds later Jaskier entered the frame shaking his hips and waving his arms in the air to dance with his bird. Clearly ecstatic to be joined by her owner, Zuzu puffed up her wings and hopped repeatedly, pulling a laugh from Jaskier that floated over the music like a warm breeze.

**To Jaskier: Would you want to go out sometime?**

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! I have been considering continuing this story as there is definitely more to tell, probably jumping ahead in time a bit, so let me know if you would be interested in that. (No promises though I said I'd write a sequel for my last fic and made this instead lol) 
> 
> I love to read and reply to any comments you have, talk to me about the fic or if you want to know more about snakes I can also provide that :) Also if you want you can follow me on tumblr @queer-and-trashy where I post half witcher half who knows what.


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